A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light

Sailors ought never to go to church. They ought to go to hell, where it is much more comfortable.

If the brain were so simple we could understand it, we would be so simple we couldn't.

First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.

I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right.

If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.

Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from two, it's research.

Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.

The belief in the possibility of a short decisive war appears to be one of the most ancient and dangerous of human illusions.

The covers of this book are too far apart.

Talent does what it can; genius does what it must.

Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.

TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.

Look at you in war. There has never been a just one, never an honorable one, on the part of the instigator of the war.

The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them.

I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.

If the United Nations once admits that international disputes can be settled by using force, then we will have destroyed the foundation of the organization and our best hope of establishing a world order.

Devlin's First Law - Buyer beware: in the hands of a charlatan, mathematics can be used to make a vacuous argument look impressive. Devlin's Second Law - So can PowerPoint.

It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.

All I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl.

I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.

If you need more than five lines to prove something, then you are on the wrong track

If you give a man a fish, he will eat for today. If you teach him to fish, he'll understand why some people think golf is exciting.

Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proven it correct, not tried it.

There is no idea so simple and powerful that you can't get zillions of people to misunderstand it.

About the use of language: it is impossible to sharpen a pencil with a blunt axe. It is equally vain to try to do it with ten blunt axes instead.

A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation.

Happiness is good health and a bad memory.

No mention of God. They keep Him up their sleeves for as long as they can, vicars do. They know it puts people off.

The shepherd always tries to persuade the sheep that their interests and his own are the same.